Saturday, August 07, 2004

H. Smith's Review of The Village

So, j-roc (aka Teen Wolf) and I went to see The Village on Thursday night. I'm still undecided about how many stars I would give it. Ok so I guess it can't be a real review if I can't even decide how many stars to give (or suns, if we were The Edmonton Sun...but hey, it's a Duff job), well not a review like Dan Kaszor 's review of White Chicks in See Magazine, anyway (best movie review EVER). I won't be claiming that anybody in the movie resembles burn victims.
Ok, but here it goes.
Shyamalan (or "Jay", the man behind the desk)'s films seem to decrease in, how shall I put it, goodness. He has four of them to date, as far as I know. He also likes to use the same actors in more than one of his films (I'm thinking here of Bruce Willis and Joaquin Phoenix, but there are other, more minor ones as well). The Sixth Sense was amazing. Unbreakable was pretty good also. I had mixed feelings about Signs, just like I did with The Village.
As the movie opens, we see a man burying his son as the rest of the yellow-loving villagers looks on. The movie gets creepy as we start to see signs that Those-They-Do-Not-Speak-Of have returned to the village. Then we see a wart hog dressed in a red (the forbidden that ever explained?) robe with what appear to be porcupine quills sticking out from its back. All cheesiness breaks loose.
The thing about M. Night Shyamalan (no relation to Jason Night Shyamalan, although he also has a village. And it features Trapt) movies is that once you see the twist (there is, of course, a twist in this one as well. It makes the cloaked hogs slightly less cheesy, but not much.), the little details in the preceding scenes of the movies all come together and make perfect sense. Not so in The Village. There are parts I still do not understand (and according to some the brain tickle website, my IQ is 129). It's a tragic love story, all because the Village Idiot is homicidal.
The acting wasn't bad, although I'm sure how much the actors had to act (except Bryce Dallas Howard, daughter of Ron Howard, as I don't thinks she's actually blind), seeing as Adrien Brody is already an idiot of his own little chauvinistic village anyway.
Not much of a review, I know. Here's my advice: if you didn't liked Signs, don't see this movie. If you did, give it a shot. Maybe you can explain it to me.

A Blog is Born
Fell free to visit J.Mo's blog,

I neglected to mention Jules's birthday on June 25. She turned 19. Happy LATE birthday! Also, Marina turned 19 on July 17. I saw you and your birthday, but happy birthday again.

I believe I meant to put 'chameleon'. Thank goodness for spell check.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well maybe M. Night Shyamalan is a chamilion.

7:25 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well it seems to me that if it's scares you're trying to avoid, then The Village is a perfect flic_, hey you might even be so bored that you relive your junior high days of throwing popcorn at the 50-year-old pervert who insists on going to movies alone, a movie theatre being the only place where he can be in the dar_ with others on their own free will. Unless the fear of a hooded porcuhog with an unexplainable fashion sense busting in on you-on its hind legs nonetheless- and skinning your livestoc_ will keep you up at night. In this case all an Albertan need do is reveal his midriff as apparently the yellow on our bellies gives us some "safe" and god-like status and will send the beast crawling back into the woods with its tail(quite probably the genitic equal of a dragon's tail crossed with a schnauzer's or maybe even a lady bug's) tuc_ed between its legs. It is also understandable that the sight of Adrien Brody's 100-yard schnoze gives you the "eeebeeejeeebees", but this can be rectified-or anusfied- by simply imaginning the emergency eye surgery that one Catwoman "star"(used in the lightest form) must have undergone when the snout of Mr. Brody undoubtedly puunched a hole in her cornea as he _issed her on Oscar night. If you as_ me, Adrien, you should halt this chauvenistic lifestyle and return to the day-job that was meant for you- offering up baskets upon baskets of poison apples to Snow White. And I _now where you can borrow a hooded cape, that is if you don't mind scraping the porcuhog feces out of it...if this sort of wildebeast genetic screw-up even takes shits, i mean its just as likely that his excrements ooze out his eyes, which he then proceeds to insert into straws, launching them in spitball-like fashion at you while chasing you because your genital herpes have given a reddish rash all over your brody, i mean body.

If it's spoo_s you want, take a tour of Jason Night(the lesser _known of the Shyamalan brothers)'s Village. In it you'll discover a scarefest where the worlds of Britney Spears and The Trews are somehow intertwined. This, I'm afraid M., is a much more terrifying genetic prospect than that "whatchamacallitwhatwereyourparentsthinking" fuc_ed-up creature that you call scary. Wake me up when its wait i'll probably be woken up first by the sounds of the pervert jacking-off in the nearly empty theatre, i hope he wasnt loo_ing at me.

Jason Night 1
M Night 0

8:01 PM  
Blogger Mark said...

Howdy, my birthday is June 25 also!

Cool to find you on the world wide web.

Best, Mark

5:35 PM  

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